What do you do all day???

What do you do all day???

 

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, and so the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, break fast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife..

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys thrown over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and tooth paste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went..

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes, ' was his incredulous reply.

.

.

.

.

.

 

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it...'

 

This is priceless... J

Monday:

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though. Tuesday:

We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad. Wednesday:

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow. Thursday:

Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive. Friday:

Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it. Saturday:

Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job.

Escaping the CUBICLE

Forward from a friend::-

 I joined Infosys as a fresher.  Now, leaving this company after almost 2 years, I am still as fresh as I can get. In fact even more, since I have even unlearned what I ever learned in my life.

Life can be hard, but Infosys has always taken care to ease it for us. No life, no trouble.

9.15 Hours every day in office, add the fact that the campuses are so far from the real cities & real people, that going there every day in itself feels like you are going “onsite”.

I understand, why Infosys is disappointed with most of the employees (like me). Because they are mobile. They move, they walk away. Infosys loves everything that stays put and never changes.

Computers, the trees & buildings, policies, to name a few.  

I always felt like I am some superhero, you know, Infoscian by the day, Human by  the night.

That reminds me, Infoscians are like (atleast meant to be like) some genetically evolved alien species (like in Avatar).

But we managed to disappoint the management here as well, by turning out to be normal human beings with human “needs” & emotions.

The CRR ratings in Infosys are a standing testimony, to the phrase “Tongue is mightier than the sword” (it’s the pen, I am using some poetic liberty).

I worked alright, but forgot to use my tongue.

I feel so foolish, I never realized that iRace is the new & improved “racist” technology developed completely in house. And I expected it to be “just” (&) “fair”. My bad!

Infosys takes a lot of things pretty literally. I told them I am creative. I formatted around 1963 pages, 3,345, 367,233 words, 787 diagrams & 1414 tables in MS Word. Similar number of slides in Powerpoint.

Well the (power) point here is, no functional consultant gets such enriching experience, that indeed formats one’s whole career so beautifully.

The reward & penalty clause here is pretty simplified. For reward, it follows the holy Bhagavad Gita, “Karma kar, fal ki apeksha mat kar”.

For penalty, they follow D- Company “Hamare dhande mein galti maaf karna, usse bhi badi galti maani jati hain”.

Infosys is very traditionally Indian, and closely follows the cultural heritage. So, just like we reserve the “new dinner sets” & the best “carpets” for the guests that might visit us someday, all good things in Infy are reserved for the clients. So when we walk the never ending steep roads here, we often see “clients” in those “golf carts” staring at us with the same expression one looks at ants on an ant hill.

I recommend Infosys more than Dr. Bhatra’s for hair problem. Trust me, you work here, hair problem, won’t be a problem.

People always say, “It is difficult to get noticed among 1,00,000 people”. There is a sure shot (tried & tested way) to get noticed. Put down your (don’t be nasty now) papers!!!

People will come and congratulate you, you feel nothing less than a noble prize winner (it is a noble thing to do after all). A celebrity.

Guess that is why they call that period “the notice period”.

2^nd to only some of the deepest parts of Amazon jungle, the hostel on Infy campus is untouched / unoccupied / undiscovered by humans.

Every month in my pay slip, I have this component called “salary recovery”, the Infy term for extortion.

As I walk out today, I am indeed Powered by my intelligence (it prevailed against the need & greed to earn money)

And I am definitely driven by my values, top speed out of the gate (values of self respect, dignity & freedom)

What do you think?

The BEST Put Down LINE EVER? Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'   General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.   Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you've got to love this!  This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.    FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.    FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio cast  went silent for 46 seconds and  when it returned, the interview was over.  What do you think ?

 

Footy

A man had two of the best seats at the FA Cup final. 
 
As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.   
  
"No", he says, "the seat is empty." 
  
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?"  
  
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.  This is the first Cup Final we haven't been together since we got married.."   
 

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"     
 

 

 

The man shakes his head...  "No. They're all at the funeral." 

 

Priceless

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last
night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and! gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral:-
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy !!